Thoughts on Giving and Taking
In today’s world, it’s not uncommon for people to give you
something without expecting something from you in return either in Cash or in
kind. Many people give today expecting some favors from the people they have
given to. This is not to say that there aren’t people who give without
expectation, but from my experience, I think people like this are fewer in
number than the ones who give with strings attached. It's best to give without expectations though because it frees you and others from unnecessary expectations, but it is not usually the case with a lot of us.
Based on this, it would be safer to assume that expectations
are behind things you are given than not. Which brings us to the subject of
today’s blog post. You must have heard statements like this from people who have ‘helped’
other people; “After everything I’ve done for you”, “I picked you up from the
gutters”, “I was the one who gave him/her a job or opportunity now they feel
big”, “I made you who you are today” and etcetera. These words are often used
by disgruntled “helpers” who somewhat feel that the expectations attached behind
what they did for others as a form of help wasn’t met.
None of you reading this would be very excited if someone
was to say such words to you because of how they must have helped you in the
past. So if you respect yourself enough, it’s wise to understand what gives
such people the impetus to say such. And it often happens that this is caused by a large imbalance between receiving from others and giving to
those same people.
Whenever you have to receive some help from others in terms
of money or favors, it’s important to think of ways you can also add value the
people helping you in a way or another. You may not be able to match exactly
what kind of help you may have received at the moment, but strive to at least
add something of value to their lives as well. It also pays to study the kind
of person you are receiving things from. Some people are naturally toxic and
controlling. You can find out by asking questions, observing and studying the
person’s behavior to you and others over time.
What happens when you keep taking from others without adding
anything to their lives is that those people will have a higher tendency to
look down on you as someone who is always asking but never contributes. Not
everyone will think this way, but a lot of people who you usually take from
without adding to their lives in any way would think that way.
How you get some of your benefactors respect you is when you
also add value to their lives in the way you can. You may not always give back
in support what is commensurate to what they have done for you, but you must
try. It also pays to think twice before accepting assistance coming in a form
that you may never be able to pay back. This will put you in a cycle of perpetual
indebtedness. You do not want to be in such a situation especially when it
involves a toxic person who would ensure everyone knows you can never pay them
back and would want to own your life just because of that.
So three key things, think of ways you can add value to
people who help you as they add to your life, study and understand the kind of
persons you receive help from to know if it’s worth it and think twice before
accepting help for which you may never be able to pay back.
Knowing this would help you navigate better in life where
give and take has become the order of the day. Once again, not everyone will
expect from you when they give you something. But the risk of assuming everyone
thinks this way is far greater than the risk of assuming people expect
something in return. So why risk higher? It is better you try to still add
value to the one who may expect nothing and the say “you are really bothering
yourself”, that when you don’t try and it turns out they actually expect
something and they say in their minds, “Look at him/her, they are always asking
without contributing to us.”
It's always better to give more than we receive when it
comes to casual relationships with others. And in cases where we can’t, it’s
better to try strive for balance of some sort maybe not immediately, but it should
constantly bug us until we at least get a sort of balance as we grow. This
would free us from plenty of expectations that we may not even be aware of.
I hope you get the point. Let me know your thoughts on this.
It’s just an opinion I felt to share to bold winners who value their self-respect.
Take wisely and keep winning!
Your man,
Ike Nigel.O
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